i’m gonna make this short. i still have an exam tomorrow.
yesterday, while riding the UP-Pantranco jeep, i saw something (i just can’t remember what it was…) that reminded me of tesa.
i don’t know, but it just reminded me of tesa’s ka-hectican.
remembering those moments with my two best friends just make me smile…(it literally DOES make me smile a sad smile…)
okay, have to go!
i’m kind of in a weird mood today…it’s called loving, sensitive mood (mode, more like…but i’m not a computer so…yeah.).
i just updated my friendster profile. i put in there how much i miss my best friends. and i do. i really, really, REALLY do. i miss our times together.
you’re probably wondering what triggered this "mood" (i still consider it a mode…but, again, i’m not a computer…). it started yesterday in geography class. our teacher was discussing territories.
she used tambayans as an example. she described the way we students territorize the AS lobby in the first floor. then she started describing as how we students feel at home in it and everything, and that’s when i remembered our fourth year tambayan back in st. scho: the stone tables.
that triggered so many memories, especially the one when graduation was near and i gave Tesa and Gaye a letter, and i made them read it.
while i was writing that letter the night before, i was crying because that was when i realized how much i care for them and how much i would miss them after graduation. so i felt kind of ridiculous while writing that letter.
then, the next day, after grad practice, i made them stay despite the fact that they both have elsewhere to be. while they were reading it, i started crying again, because the feeling i felt the night before came back to me.
gaye didn’t cry, but she was touched, i could tell (we aren’t best friends for nothing, you know). tesa–no surprise–cried. then she hugged me saying, "ma-mimiss rin kita, mela!!"
then we both started laughing despite the tears. gaye was just staring at us with a smile–no, a smirk–on her face. she’s not such a "mushy" person unlike tesa and i. she actually is, deep inside. she just doesn’t show it.
anyway, after watching us hug, gaye was all, "i don’t hug anyone in public." and that was okay for me, ’cause that’s just the way she is.
but then she added, "but then again, you’re not just anyone."
and she hugged me.
(oh, god, tears are starting to well up in my eyes again, just remembering that day)
okay, i don’t wanna cry right here in the computer shop in UP diliman. i still have a CW class to attend. gotta go!
okay, i thought i would be able to manage being in this huge school in which i have to ride a jeepney to get from one building to another, but turns out i’m wrong.*raises an eyebrow* as usual.
it’s so exhausting! everytime i get home, i go straight to the shower and take a bath. and then, to relax my totally sore arm and leg muscles, i pour heated water on them. i "discovered" this when i remembered those books i read about american people relaxing in a hot tub after a long, stressful day at work. so when i remembered that, i thought, "why not try it?".
we don’t have a bathtub, but i can just pour the hot water onto my sore legs and arms. and guess what? it actually works!
when i get to bed after taking a bath and pouring my arms and legs with heated water, my muscles are relaxing and are going back to their un-sore state again! unlike when i don’t do anything about my sore muscles, they just keep on being sore until i rest up, which i don’t usually do, since i go to school five times a week. so that gives me two days of rest, which isn’t enough. so i’m really glad i found out how to relax my leg and arm muscles.
it’s also funny how i’d been able to manage myself during these first two weeks in UP. i don’t know why…it just seems weird to me. it’s like, "is this me?". the girl who doesn’t cram anymore and reads lessons in advance? i mean, i wasn’t like this in high school. in fact, my mother kept on scolding me during my HS years for not studying my lessons before the teacher discusses it.
and i would think to myself: how would i study in advance when i don’t even know what i’m going to study? and besides, that would take the fun out of your high school years, if you ask me. and the teachers don’t usually follow the lesson plans they give us at the start of the school year…so i really don’t know what to study, if i ever get the urge to…i don’t usually study without a test the next day.
i thought i was going to be dead come college year. but so far, i’ve survived. i mean, people say that getting into UP is the easy part.
easy? easy?? EASY??? do they realize how much my dad has to spend for me to be able to get into that school?? do they?? with all that MSA review center thing (which was totally boring and brain-draining, but a great help…) hogging my whole summer before fourth year? do they realize how much i have to sacrifice during that stupid summer?? MY FUN TIME WAS SCRATCHED OUT OF THE PICTURE!
if getting into UP is the easy part (and i still think it wasn’t), how am i EVER going to survive college life in this gargantuan school??
oh well, guess we’ll just have to find out.
oh, and my blockmates and blockhandlers are really friendly, so i have no problem with the people there. Ü
okay, i knew i was going to regret saying those words.
you know, my last entry?
how juvenile of me…
*yawn* so what’s new? i’m always childish anyway…
who cares?
great. and i just remembered that by tomorrow, gaye’s leaving manila.
tesa’s already in baguio.
great! who else am i going to talk to??
All’s i gotta say is: my sister’s a big, filthy scumbag who doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong, and also my cousin is a kikay-ish, airhead dunce who took my "old" sister away from me.
"Filth! Scum! By-products of dirt and vileness!" –Mrs. Black, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
after months of drooling over that book, i finally have it right under my roof!
sorry, i’m not making much sense, am i? here, let me explain: i first saw david colbert’s “The Magical World Of Harry Potter” in school, at the stone tables during lunch time. someone (i can’t remember who…) was returning that book to its owner. i borrowed the book for a moment while the person looked for the person she borrowed it from.
as i browsed through the pages and read the back of the book, i immediately fell in love with it. the book’s kind of a descriptive encyclopedia of all things Harry Potter. some chapters there describe where J.K. Rowling gets her magical creatures, or what were the Latin origins of the names of the characters, those sort of things. for me, it’s kind of like a haven for HP fans everywhere, especially for a clueless lass like me, who knows very little about mythology.
anyway, gel just mentioned earlier that my first day of school is going to start next week.
my reaction? “really? i haven’t thought of THAT.”
all UP students start their classes on May 7, that’s a monday. that means that my kabarkadas that are in UP (katmad- UP manila, tesa and gaye- UP baguio) are starting our classes together. this fact would’ve been great, if i knew anyone in diliman. but sadly, no.
i’m kind of a loner, but i don’t mind if anyone wants to talk to me. in fact, i would gratefully welcome them! i’d do anything just to have someone to be with (well, not exactly EVERYTHING, like breaking the school rule and joining a sorority. freshmen aren’t allowed to join frats and sororities in UP. but i don’t mind. i’m not even PLANNING to join a sorority).
i just really wish that i could easily have someone to talk to there as easily as i click a mouse.
i also used to feel totally alone in the world, like i don’t have anyone to talk to that can completely understand what i’m going through. but now, i don’t feel that way anymore.
now, ciara, gel, tesa, and gaye are my complete confidants. i can never survive life without them.
hm, i’m getting a little sentimental here. better run.
the title of this post came from avril’s "How Does It Feel" in her second album. i was at my cousins’ house in las piñas yesterday and i was fiddling with their stereo. then i remembered that gel has this cd of avril lavigne’s second album, which contains this song that gel and i can absolutely relate to. the song was titled, "Fall To Pieces". i really liked the lyrics, especially the ones in the chorus. they go like this: "i don’t wanna fall to pieces/ i just wanna sit and stare at you/and i don’t wanna talk about it/ and i don’t want a conversation/ i just wanna cry in front of you/ i don’t wanna talk about it/ ’cause i’m in love with you"
that was so beautiful, wasn’t it? anyway, i looked for more songs and i stumbled upon "How Does It Feel". i read the lyrics (which came with the cd) as i listened to the song, and it struck me: this song is kind of like about me. i mean, i’m completely different from everyone else, and people see me as kind of a weird person. i used to be proud being extraordinary, i used to not care what people say to me about how i should change. but when i realized that living by my own rules sometimes turns out to be rude, i stopped to think that being different isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. it sucks to see other people get on with their lives without them having a sort-of personality disorder like i do. other people don’t have a problem with the way the act or think, and i envy them.
avril’s "How Does It Feel" is about being a different person and that person asks a "normal" person about how it feels to be normal, to not watch everything you say, to be able to act as you please without other people giving you the evil eye. i’m kind of wondering about it myself.
how do those normal people feel to be different from me?
how does it feel?
i took the UPCAT and i passed it. what more could i want? hm, what could i want?? what i want is to be able to STAY there. and also, what i want is to have someone to eat lunch with. or walk around the campus with. or share gossips about teachers and classmates with. i want–no–i NEED a friend. i need a friend THERE in UP Diliman. i don’t want to wander around the campus by myself, i’d look stupid. not to mention a loner. oh sure, i’m sooo great (i’m being sarcastic…) that i passed the test and got into that university….but how am i to survive it?? it’s like what my mom said, it’s hard to get in there, it’s also hard to REMAIN in there. great.
another thing worries me. i took electro-communications engineering. and they say that when you’re an engineer in UP, it’s quite hard to stay and graduate. some students either shift courses or get kicked out. i don’t know…that just scares me.
oh, and one more thing: i have to commute from our home in makati to UP diliman EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY SCHOOL DAY!!!! i have nothing to do except wish myself luck; avoiding the rush hour traffic to and from school.
good luck to me.
okay, i am currently addicted to watching daniel radcliffe video clips…seriously!
gawd, am i THAT obsessed?
how pathetic…
funny thing happened to me two days ago…
i always thought of friendster as a connection to every long lost friend i have. like my ex-best friends in OBMC, kylie and angelique. also…my grade 1 busmate and classmate, athalyn.
then, two days ago, when i was with tesa, ciara, and my cousins, gel and cheska, i wondered how the heck did athalyn find me in friendster. it’s a miracle that she still remembers me after all these years. she went to a different school when we were about to start third grade so it totally is a miracle that she still remembers who i am!
as i was wondering out loud (”pa’no talaga ako natatandaan nito?”), gel, my cousin who has the same age as i do, leaned to see what i’m looking at in my computer (athalyn’s friendster account). then she said, “ay, si athalyn!”
i was surprised.
i mean, how could she know her? i don’t even tell gel who were my former busmates then in grade school, so how could she know?
turns out athalyn is gel’s batchmate at their school, san beda college of alabang (formerly st. benedict college).
small world…
anyway, i suddenly regained my interest in the star wars story. ciara and i tried to watch star wars episodes 1, 2, 4, 5, and 6 in a row, but we ended up watching just 2, 1, and 5, since ciara said that episode 4 was boring and left the room when my mom and i insisted that we would understand luke skywalker’s story better if we watched the very first star wars film.
mama and i ended up watching 4, and 5.
my eyes hurt that day, having watched the almost all the star war movies in a row.
we didn’t get to watch “the return of the jedi” because our cousins came to visit, so we had to entertain them…
haay…
hehe, i just remembered that gel asked me to make a fanfic about her and draco malfoy.
originally, it was supposed to be my story. something about a girl named kaela davies and that she became harry potter’s best friend. but what harry doesn’t know is that kaela’s in love with him. so every time kaela sees him with cho (he got back together with her), she’s heartbroken–
wait, what am i doing??
i’m narrating the whole story already!
gotta go before i spill the lot with my big mouth.
*scurries away*
yipee! i hab blog olredi! weee!! now my problem is how to manage it. Ü our computer back at home is kind of a lunatic…the window closes whenever i open the friendster page…gotta go think…and shop (am currently at farmer’s plaza here in cubao)
oh, and, at last, i got to see my best friend tesa. she’s gonna go to baguio along with my other best friend, gaye.
unfair people…why do they get to go to the same school? hmph. anyway, they promised that they’re going to "hike down" from baguio and into diliman with me.
of course, they would have different courses. gaye’s on to become a lawyer and tesa’s on to become an accountant. but i guess it wouldn’t be the same without them around…*sigh*
i’d surely miss them…i mean, they’re the bestest friends i have. they’re the closest friends i have. probably even closer than my sister…
okay, i’m getting sentimental here. i better go. my stomach is growling. (so what’s new? my stomach is ALWAYS grumbling. it grumbles almost every two hours!)
