Imperceptible Me

as much as i want to hate this day, i can’t.

to be fair, P.E. today was good. today was our practical test in knot tying (bo-ring!) and our project routes.
project routes are those routes on the wall that you’ve *supposedly* practiced for…many times.

unfortunately, i only chose my project route last meeting, which gave me nil days to practice on it. no practice. just climb. and the route was hard, mind you. i had to smear the wall a couple of times. and i had to ask my partner-slash-belayer to toss me a chalk ball ’cause my hands were getting sweaty and, therefore, slippery.

it was really hard, the red slash route on the molly’s walk wall. but i managed to top it out (meaning, i finished it). with just a little encouragement from my partner-slash-belayer-slash-friend, (and little encouragement from myself too), i managed to reach the top of the wall.

it was fun, knowing that i didn’t quit climbing it, especially when i was stuck in the middle and couldn’t reach the next hold.

it was great.

on the downside, i’ve currently given up on researching a topic for our reporting in biology.

oops, gotta go! i’ve been in this internet facility long enough to cost me 60 pesos!

ciao!

it’s not the same…without them…

jil and ian…mah dearest cousins…i miss you so so so so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can still remember that day jil left. we were in sta. ana and she started to cry when she was saying goodbye and hugging everyone. she was crying heaps of tears, literally! and somehow, in some way, napa-iyak niya ang mga tao sa kanyang paligid. seriously! we all started crying! my titas, who don’t usually cry when someone is about to leave for america ’cause we all know that we’d all see each other again sometime. but this is different.

oh sure, we’d see jil again. but it’s gonna be a long time before she returns. two years. TWO. YEARS. isn’t that a long time for us to see each other??

jil continued to cry and also continued to affect the people around her. her crying was like an airborne disease, infecting everyone, even the babies (no, seriously, my baby sister and my pamangkin started to cry along with the rest of us…funny, though. or maybe it was just because they saw that everyone was crying and thought that they’d join in too. babies’ minds are so funny…)

ciara and i followed jil to the van that would take her to the airport. we can’t go with her since we have classes the next day and it was nearing midnight (i think). so we waved at her until we can’t see her (or the van).

that day was really sad.

next was ian. the day before, our titas were teasing him, asking him if he would cry as much as jil did. he was a good sport, playing along with their jokes. saying, "no. at least not as much as ate jil, though."

the day he was leaving, he was quiet. he barely said a word unless he really needed to (i.e. answer the endless questions of ate marife and our titas and his dad, tito jun).
he’s always been like this. whenever he’s leaving for america, and we would go to the airport with him, he’d never utter a word.

i was the one who went with him to the airport. wala kasing pasok ‘nun e. Q.C. day. (i luv Q.C.!)

we barely said a word to each other in the van. but i could tell that he’ll really miss this place. i asked him if he was going to come back for christmas this year. he said he wasn’t sure, since christmas break at their school is just for two weeks. (please, ian! come back this christmas!) this is the same reason why jil can’t come back this christmas with her sister and brother because she’ll just be here for two weeks. which would suck, if you ask me.

i didn’t cry when ian left. i wanted to, you see, but i don’t want to cry in front of ian. HE might cry too. and i wouldn’t want that. he might not be able to catch his plane.

i almost cried when we left the airport, though. ian and i waved at each other until we couldn’t see a speck of one another. and from then on, life resumed to its boring pace.

no more balikbayan cousins to spend time with.
no more cousins to play pranks on (i actually didn’t get the chance to…i wanted to, but midterms held me back…cursed midterms!!!!!).
no more cousins to fool around with.
no more cousins to steal naruto dvd’s from (i want those naruto dvd’s, ian!!!)
no more cousins to get me interested in naruto.
no more cousins to hang out with.
no more…

…

*holds back tears*

I WANT MY COUSINS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay. i’ve really lost it.

i guess the next time i’ll see jil, she’ll be taller than me (or ciara…whatever.) and ian will probably be taller than me too. i mean, he’s only thirteen. he’ll grow taller…(NOOOOOO!!!) i feel so short. hehe…

ian, you’d better NOT grow when i see you this christmas.

imagine, he grew a couple of inches in a span of, what? 4 or 6 months? hello?? growth spurt!

better start drinking those cherifer vitamins…*hopeful*

i miss you, jil and ian! you probably don’t know how much! or maybe you do…Ü

naks naman, ganda ng title. well, that IS what this entry is gonna be about. reaching for what seemed unreachable at first.

but before anything else, let me just get one thing off my chest:

CURSE THAT PERSON WHO EVER INVENTED THE SUBJECT ENGINEERING DRAWING!!!!!!!!!

*sigh* i feel so much better now. won’t explain what THAT was about, though. long story. and that’s not even what this entry is about.

okay, things that seemed unreachable…for me. hee…

guess i’d better start off with people. okay, i’m always surrounded by achievers. my whole life, actually. if not achievers, at least people with a lot of talent in something. or even being able to do something that is otherwise "undo-able" in my part.

i used to feel so inferior compared to them. (yes, i AM suffering from inferiority complex…can’t help it, you know!) but then i realized that having them around wasn’t so bad after all.

instead of just sitting down, watching them do those great things that i’m not able to do, i pushed myself to be like them. and that’s a good thing because it makes you aim for the best, therefore perform at your best. and sometimes those best efforts yield the best results (take note of the word, "sometimes").

examples…hm…let’s see…aha! i know! the day when my cousins and i went ice skating in megamall. they were all skating so fast, both forward and backward, while i was left eating their dust. but because i wanted to skate like them, it took some time for me to be skating real fast (the technique is to bend low, hockey player style) and slowly skating backwards (still working on this…have to practice!). but at least i was able to do it!

yeah, i know, it’s kind of a shallow example. i thought so too, but i just wanted to skate backwards so badly! heehee…

then there’s my partner in my P.E. class (wall climbing). she’s really good at climbing, very light and speedy. i thought i would never be like her, but with her help, i’m somehow able to develop those skills that she has. well, almost. i still can’t finish the "into the woods" wall, though. it’s hard.

the only thing that seems unreachable right now is my passing the ES 1 subject. i’m kinda thinking of dropping it and redoing it over the summer, but…i don’t know, i just don’t want to quit. i don’t wanna be called a quitter again.

I WON’T, AND I’LL NEVER BE!

okay, gotta sleep. i’m really sleepy. i haven’t had a good night’s sleep since midterms week started (damn midterms…)